I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
