I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
