So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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