I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
