Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize