My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize