Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he fucked my hip out of place.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
