I'm gonna have a badass scar
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
