he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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