I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
