i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
