i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize