i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
