google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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