You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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