how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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