We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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