another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is her dick bigger than yours?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
