Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
