I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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