I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't put those talents on a resume
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
