is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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