party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
