after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
