went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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