Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
