Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
