but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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