she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize