Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
