Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like, not good at living.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
