if only i could text you this smell
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
