god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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