the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we're making bets on your personal life
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
