..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
