She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
