Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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