you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cannot find my penis.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize