i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
