I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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