btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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