did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can text with my tongue
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
