Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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