So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
