Do you still have your period?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
