she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
