and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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