Will you blow on my dice?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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