I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
