There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
