why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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