how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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