Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
