Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
