Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fuck appropriateness.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
