Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
