Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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