How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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