Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
