GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
