yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize