I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
