My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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