I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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