btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
