we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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