I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
