In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
