As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
