I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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