Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
