Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
