i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
try to milk me bitch
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