Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
