so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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