So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
