i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize