just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
