I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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