Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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