just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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