the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
