Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
