I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
