i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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