Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
