She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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