the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
