I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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