were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
