i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
