what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
