Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
