Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
