I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
