im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
