The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
