I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
