You just made me feel so damn special
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
