Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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